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Growing Through Divorce: A New Chapter in Your Life
Ending a marriage is one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make. It’s stressful, tiresome, and downright disappointing. The divorce process greatly impacts the emotional well-being of the spouses and their children. Regardless of who initiated the divorce, both partners face new challenges. Whether it’s legal battles, losing financial stability, or single parenting, starting over after a breakup is no piece of cake.
A new life after divorce means changing houses, sometimes jobs, losing mutual friends, and even family connections. But growing through divorce is completely possible. You might find yourself feeling deserted, anxious, empty, guilty, and vulnerable, but you’re not alone. You might even lose faith in having a better future. Getting a divorce feels like your world has turned upside down. But there’s one thing for sure—it’s all in your hands. You either choose to grieve and mourn your whole life, or you accept reality and start reinventing yourself or rediscover the person you once were.
True, it’s easier said than done, but it is not impossible. Every aspect of life has a positive side, even divorce. Challenges after divorce seem terrifying, but overcoming them can shape someone’s character and make them stronger than ever. The question being asked here is how do we deal with the severity of divorce and starting over after a breakup. Here are some tips to help make your divorce process smoother and establish better emotional well-being.
Seek a peaceful, frugal, and less complicated divorce
The legal steps of getting divorced can be really confusing, expensive, and stressful, all of which contribute to more conflicts between the spouses. To avoid clashes and tension between separating partners, consider filing for divorce with Split Happy’s DIY Tool. Let the Tool complete the difficult paperwork for you. Doing the paperwork alone can be overwhelming, so why go through so much trouble when there’s an easier way to do it?
If you and your spouse can’t get along anymore, consider hiring a divorce mediator. An impartial third party will guide and help you through the process and establish neutral grounds for negotiation in order to reach agreement on tough issues and establish a framework that works best for you, your so-to-be ex, and children. Whether it’s discussing your finances or your children’s future, employing mediation in divorce proceedings allows you to work past the issues you’re stuck on minus the drama of fighting it out with lawyers.
Adjust to new changes
Your new life after divorce will be full of changes—like going away for school for the first time. At first, it’s difficult, overwhelming, and lonely, but you learn to meet new people, make friends, get to know the area better, and eventually establish yourself. Just like college is a turning point for everyone, life after separation comes with post-divorce glow-ups. When you accept the challenges after divorce, you adapt to your new life with an open mind.
Don’t try to get ahead of yourself—make small goals and accomplish them one by one starting from the important ones. You don’t have to do it alone either. Reach out to your friends, family, and support system. See what advice they have to offer. Don’t hesitate to discuss it with them and be open to their suggestions. After all, they’re also a part of your circle and experiencing the new changes in your life.
Accept, forgive, and let go
As painful as it is to get a divorce, your emotional well-being comes first. It’s normal to be sad. It’s okay to grieve, mourn, wail and miss. Living these emotions and expressing your feelings is a healthy way to recover. You need to let out all the negativity until there’s nothing left but the positive. But, sobbing all day is no solution—it’s simply the first step to getting back on track. You can’t let your emotions take over your mental health but understanding your emotions will help you rebound and find your happy place. Remember that while you will still be in pain, knowing that pain is part of the healing process,will let time heal those wounds.
Now, stop asking yourself reflective questions—why did this happen to me, or what did I do to deserve this. Then, stop blaming people, whether it’s you or your ex. Don’t let all these questions take you down the rabbit hole. Instead, try to process it, see what went wrong without judging, accept the mistakes you and your ex made, and learn to forgive. Be future focused, the future is what you can influence while the past cannot be changed. Be present, heal your wounds, reinvent yourself or rediscover yourself for your own sake.
Learn the lessons that separation taught you in order to grow through the divorce. Observe and learn to create a better future for yourself and your children. And last but not least, let things go. Everything happens for a reason. If your marriage didn’t work, there’s a greater life waiting for you, better and healthier. All you have to do is put some effort into reinventing yourself. If you feel that it’s impossible to do it on your own, don’t hesitate to ask for professional help.
Reconcile with your ex for the sake of your children
Separation is easier when no children are around. There’s nothing holding you back from moving on and living a new life. However, when there are children involved, you need to think twice before making any drastic decisions. Even after separation, remember that your life will always be intertwined with your ex-spouse, especially if you have joint custody. The most important thing to keep in mind is learning how to live with that fact.
While certain cases are unforgivable, try to accept your ex-partner’s mistakes as a spouse and learn to focus on their duties as a parent. After getting a divorce, try turning the other cheek to problems you had when you were married and focus on the emotional well-being of your children. Remember that after divorce, your relationship with your ex-spouse is purely founded for your kids’ future.
Be present for your children and have them understand that you need their support without pressuring and making them feel that they need to choose between you two. Despite what happened and how your relationship ended, your children are the most valuable outcome of the relationship. Having them means your relationship wasn’t a complete failure and you have to go on and reinvent yourself for their sake. Make sure that no one from your circle talks negatively about your ex-spouse in the presence of your children. After all, you both are their parents and they love you equally.
Heal, transform, and start over after the breakup
The greatest and most powerful transition starts within. Once you’re fully immersed in the healing process, you turn over a new leaf in your life and grow through the divorce. Naturally, this won’t happen in one day. The emotional and mental transformation will take a while, and you need to give it as much time as needed. But, this doesn’t mean you’ll be sitting around and doing nothing.
Face the challenges after divorce with a clear head. Start reading books about self-improvement, forgiveness, and understanding yourself. Take care of your physical and mental health. Go on a healthy diet, practice yoga, go to the gym, learn a new sport. Be open to new hobbies, travel alone, learn a new language, go to events where you can meet new people and make new friends. Take care of your physical appearance and emotional well-being for a proper post-divorce glow-up. Whether it’s changing your hairstyle or wearing all the outfits in the back of your closet, be the one person you’ve always wanted to be. Enjoy being single and use this time to connect with your mind and soul. Be ready to give and receive love until it’s time to open your heart again.
To keep it short, everyone’s relationship is unique but they all have one thing in common—there’s a whole new life after divorce and it awaits exploration. As hard as it is being in a messy and hopeless situation, growing after divorce is possible once you start focusing on your emotional well-being. Nobody wants to stay in the same place. We always want to move forward. As cheesy as it is, life is short and we need to make use of every opportunity to start over after a breakup. Divorce isn’t a tragedy; it’s a life lesson. You can either choose to dwell in the past, or you can accept all the challenges after divorce and work on reinventing yourself.
Last updated on Mar 17, 2021 by Split Happy